Caregiving with Siblings: Navigating Shared Responsibilities for Aging Parents

Updated August 7, 2025 | Lisbeth Cano

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Caring for an aging parent is a big job. When you have siblings, that job can get easier—or harder. Ideally, siblings share the load, making caregiving more manageable. But family history and uneven contributions can lead to stress.

This guide helps you navigate caregiving with your siblings while protecting your family relationships.

Start Talking Early

Don’t wait for a crisis.

The best time to discuss your parent’s care is before things become urgent. Talk openly with your siblings. Include your parent if possible. These early conversations set expectations and prevent misunderstandings.

Discuss their wishes:

  • What kind of support do they want?
  • Where do they want to live as they age?
  • What’s most important to them?

➤ See Helping Aging Parents: Where to Start for more guidance.

Assess What Your Parent Really Needs

Figure out the level of care needed. Use these categories:

  • Activities of Daily Living (ADLs): Bathing, dressing, eating, etc. 1
  • Instrumental Activities of Daily Living (IADLs): Managing money, shopping, cooking, etc. 1

You can ask a doctor or geriatric care manager to help assess your parent’s health and abilities. This gives everyone a clear, shared understanding.

Know Each Sibling’s Strengths

Everyone brings something different.

  • One sibling might be good with money.
  • Another might live nearby.
  • Someone else might be a nurse or a great organizer.

Also be honest about limitations. A demanding job or health issue might limit someone’s time. That’s okay. Fair doesn’t always mean equal.

Divide Responsibilities Fairly

Make a list of caregiving tasks. Then divide them based on availability, skills, and proximity.

Possible roles include:

  • Primary caregiver: Handles daily or weekly hands-on care
  • Financial manager: Manages bills and insurance
  • Medical liaison: Talks to doctors, manages appointments
  • Logistics coordinator: Schedules home maintenance or transportation
  • Emotional support: Provides companionship and caregiver support
  • Backup support: Offers coverage when others need a break

Even long-distance siblings can help—by managing online tasks, contributing financially, or making phone calls. Every contribution counts.

Keep Communication Open

Good communication is key. Without it, resentment builds.

Hold regular family check-ins by phone or video.

Talk about:

  • How your parent is doing
  • What’s working—and what’s not
  • Who is doing what
  • What changes are needed

Use shared tools (like Google Docs or caregiving apps) to track tasks and updates.

Focus on solving problems, not rehashing old family arguments.

Handle Conflict Early

Conflict happens. Don’t avoid it. Address issues calmly and directly.

  • Stay focused on your parent’s needs
  • Listen actively
  • Don’t assign blame
  • Suggest solutions

If needed, involve a neutral third party like a therapist or mediator.

You’re all on the same team.

Respect the Primary Caregiver

If one sibling provides most of the care, acknowledge it.

  • Offer breaks and respite
  • Say thank you
  • Ask how you can support them
  • Listen to their concerns

If you’re the main caregiver, don’t try to do everything alone. Asking for help isn’t weakness—it’s smart.

➤ See Caregiver Burnout: Signs & Solutions

Keep Good Records

Good documentation avoids confusion.

Track:

  • Expenses
  • Medical appointments
  • Key decisions
  • Family meetings

This helps build trust and transparency.

Plan for the Future

Care needs will change.

Revisit your caregiving plan regularly.

Also discuss legal planning:

  • Power of attorney for finances
  • Healthcare proxy for medical decisions

➤ See Power of Attorney Guide

Use Outside Resources

You don’t have to do everything yourselves. Helpful services include:

  • Area Agencies on Aging (AAAs): Meals, rides, respite 2
  • Geriatric care managers: Help coordinate care
  • Support groups: Emotional support and advice
  • Paid help: Home aides, cleaning, or transportation

➤ See Aging for more resources and services.

Final Thought

Sharing caregiving with siblings can strengthen your bond—or test it. The difference often comes down to communication, fairness, and respect.

When you work together, you’re not just caring for your parent—you’re caring for each other too.

  1. Administration for Community Living. (n.d.). Activities and Instrumental Activities of Daily Living (ADLs & IADLs). Retrieved from https://longtermcare.acl.gov/ ↩ ↩

  2. Eldercare Locator. (n.d.). Find Local Services. Retrieved from https://eldercare.acl.gov/ ↩

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Lisbeth Cano Clinical Researcher and Elder Advocate

Meet the author: Lisbeth Cano earned her medical degree from Universidad de Iberoamérica in Costa Rica and worked as a doctor before becoming a clinical researcher. She now focuses on senior care, writing evidence-based guides for SeniorCanvas.com to help families make safer, smarter decisions for aging parents.